Quotes from Performance Appraisals

• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig." 
• "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." 
• "I would not allow this employee to breed." 
• "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be." 
• "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 
• "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." 
• "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." 
• "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 
• "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 
• "This employee should go far - - and the sooner he starts, the better." 

And, from a boss who clearly pulls no punches....
• "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

Part II

• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
• Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
• A room temperature IQ.
• Got a full six pack, but lacks the little plastic thingy to hold it all together.
• A gross ignoramus--144 times worst than an ordinary ignoramus.
• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
• A prime candidate for natural deselection.
• Bright as Alaska in December.
• One-celled organisms outscore him on IQ tests.
• Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
• Fell out of the family tree.
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.> 
• Has two brains one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• He's so dense, light bends around him.
• If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
• Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.