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"Hello, Welch Hall, computer
assistant; may I help you?"
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"Yes, well, I'm having trouble
with WordPerfect."
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"What sort of trouble?"
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"Well, I was just typing along,
and all of a sudden the words went away."
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"Went away?"
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"They disappeared."
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"Hmm. So what does your screen
look like now?"
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"Nothing."
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"Nothing?"
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"It's blank; it won't accept
anything when I type."
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"Are you still in WordPerfect
or did you get out?"
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"How do I tell?"
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[Uh-Oh. Well, let's give it
a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
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"What's a sea prompt?"
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[Uh-huh. I thought so. Let's
try a different tactic.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on
the screen."
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"There isn't any cursor: I told
you, it won't accept anything I type."
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[Ah, at least he/she knows what
a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if he/she kicked
out his/her monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?
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"What's a monitor?"
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"It's the thing with the screen
on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that
tells you when it's on?"
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"I don't know."
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"Well, then look at the back
of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see
that?"
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[Sound of rustling and jostling]
[Muffled] "Yes, I think so."
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"Great! Follow the cord to the
plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
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[Pause] "Yes, it is."
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[Hmm. Well, that's interesting.
I doubt he/she would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want
to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what
kind of monitor he/she has and it's bound to have more than one switch
on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]
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"When you were behind the monitor,
did you notice that there were two cable plugged into the back of it, not
just one?"
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"No."
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"Well, there are. I need you
to look back there again and find the other cable."
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[Muffled] "Okay, here it is."
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"Follow it for me and tell me
if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
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[Still muffled] "I can't reach
it."
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"Uh-huh. Well, can you see if
it is?"
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[Clear again] "No."
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"Even if you maybe put your
knee on something and lean way over?"
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"Oh, it's not because I don't
have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
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"Dark?"
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"Yes - the office light is off
and the only light I have is coming from the window."
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"Well, turn on the office light
then."
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"I can't."
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"No? Why not?"
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"Because there's a power outage."
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[A power !@#$%^&*!?!"...AAAAAAAARGH!!!]
"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have
the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
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"Well, yes, I kept them in the
closet."
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"Good! Go get them, unplug your
system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
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"Really? Is it that bad?"
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"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
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"Well, all right then, I suppose.
What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO STUPID
TO OWN A COMPUTER!!!" [Slam]
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