I was sitting at my desk, making calls to customers. I dialed a number of who I thought was a woman, and a man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"  I politely said, "This is So-and So and could I please speak to  _______?"  

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.
I managed to track down the woman's correct number and called her.  She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. 

After I hung up with her, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk.
I decided to call it again. When the same person answered, I yelled  "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up.
He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up. 

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me - I would have to stop calling the jackass. 

Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice.  "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID  program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!" 

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.

A couple of weeks later, there was an old lady at the mall really taking  her time pulling out of a parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly  back out of the slot.

I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.  All of a sudden this  black Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling,

"You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me and walked into the mall.

I told myself, this guy's a jackass; there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number.

Back in my office, I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black  Camaro and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes, it is." 
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

"I said, "What's your name?" 
"My name is Dan _______"." 
"When's a good time to catch you, Dan?" 
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Dan, can I tell you something?" 
"Yes,"
"Dan, you're a  jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. 

After I hung up I added Dan's number to my speed dialer. 
Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call! 

After a few weeks of that fun, I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a new solution. First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."

I yelled "You're a jackass!" but I didn't hang up. 
The jackass said, "Are you still there?" 
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Dan ________."
He said "Where do you live?"
I said, "1802 West 34th Street.  It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."
He said "I'm coming over right now, Dan, you'd better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up. 

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!" 
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." 
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the police action going on down 1802 W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to  34th Street to watch the whole thing.

Glorious!

If you want to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it off the evening news....